Mary Lou’s Tribute: “This will be Difficult”

This will be difficult

It’s not because I am not a fan of public speaking…I do this all the time.  But this was one I was hoping — beyond hopes — that I would not have to give.  But just as Lawrence was a model of bravery in everything he did, I hope to be one today… because these words just have to be said. 

This might get ugly…I may need tissues…but I will finish. 

“Thank you” to friends

You are going to hear from a number of speakers who will remember Lawrence through their friendships, work experiences, family.  I want to thank all of you in advance for accepting to speak today because it is not easy.

I also want to thank all of you for coming today…some of you from long distances away…like Halifax, Calgary and North Tonawanda NY!.  And I have so many friends in the US and elsewhere with me in their thoughts today.  There is so much love and respect for Lawrence in this room.  Over the past week, I can honestly say I have shed a lot of tears over some of these stories from so many people at the visitation, the funeral, the interment. So I am very hopeful that today, we get to share a few laughs as well. 

How Lawrence and I met  

So, I’m going to tell you a bit about Lawrence the husband. But before I do that….Lawrence…the boyfriend….

Giuliana and Patrick are going to cringe I know, but that’s just too bad. 

I met Lawrence my first year of university (McMaster) in a library back in 1978….thirty- one years ago.  None of you should be surprised at the library part.  I was sitting on one side on the table in the science library; Lawrence on another and we were introduced by a mutual friend.  I was talking to our friend most of the time when I would see Lawrence look up from time to time from whatever physics textbook he was reading.   

Lawrence took forever to make the first move.  He would grunt “hi” walking past my carrel and then saunter away.  It wasn’t until much later that he left the following message for me in my library carrel on a little piece of paper: 

“Would you like a free steak dinner on Sunday nite?” 

So, let’s dissect this pick up line again 

 1. First of all…he picked Sunday…a day he knew his parents to be away.  Bob and Joan…now you know what happened to those extra steaks in your freezer in December 1979…see…the steak was not only free to me, it was free to Lawrence too.

 2. And what about that “free” part.  Lawrence removed any doubt…I did not have to lay down any hard cash on his parents kitchen table for this meal.  As a student, that was a relief! 

 3. And he actually identified what we were going to have for dinner…steak.  Lawrence was a true carnivore.  I think he thought I would be impressed that he wasn’t making me grilled cheese or something like that.  To a university student…steak was nirvana.  It was a sure ticket to “YES – I’ll come for dinner!”

So, if I had been a bit unsure about Lawrence himself, he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.  Lawrence was a great salesperson. 

On top of that, the fact that he cooked me a great dinner with all the trimmings was totally impressive.

Right afterwards, we took off in his baby blue mustang and hit the books again at the library. Never missing a beat. 

But that was classic Lawrence.  Completely capable…independent, with a work ethic un-matched by anyone I had ever met….and I guess, he knew what he wanted. 

We dated for quite awhile and Lawrence introduced me to his world. 

Like the town he loved so much – Southampton on Lake Huron – and all his wonderful friends there and family. 

Like skiing, which scared me silly but Lawrence would never ever let me off the hook. 

And hiking and even sailing when I couldn’t swim. 

And I introduced him to my world – my big Italian family who embraced Lawrence from the start.

He was an anomaly to them….He was quiet! 

He was always the first one to get up from the dinner table to do the dishes. And Lawrence got used to the volume level, the tendency to hug all the time and the nieces and nephews crawling all over him.  He loved them all. 

Lawrence as Husband, Father and Professional    

We married in 1985 and had two great kids…Giuliana and Patrick. 

As a husband, Lawrence was the epitome of a renaissance man.  We all know how scholarly he was, but he did more than his fair share of responsibilities around the house and with the kids. 

A totally “hands-on” and committed dad, driving from Hamilton/Burlington to all their sports (the soccer, the gymnastics, the tennis, the hockey, and – oh-my-gosh — all the skiing!). 

Even during his illness, he continued to coach Giuliana’s soccer team and compete with Patrick in tennis tournaments in Southampton.

He even ran road races like the 5 Peaks Trail Running Series in Ontario while on chemo, and did extremely well! 

But he never let on about how he was feeling – he did not seek sympathy.   

And from the sidelines, Lawrence was so encouraging of the kids but never a “dadzilla”. 

While I would always ask how many medals Giuliana won in gymnastics after returning…it was NEVER Lawrence’s emphasis.  It was always about the experience, not the outcome. 

Lawrence prided himself on living up to his responsibilities at home, even during his illness.  Other than when he was in hospital, he did the laundry and shopping during his treatments – right up to a few weeks before his death.  

But in taking on all these responsibilities, he fostered my independence and gave me the freedom to pursue what I wanted in my career, encouraging me to take on more responsibilities and go after promotions, and my own social interests.

He was my biggest cheerleader.   

He did all of this while giving no less than 100% to his job that he loved and was his “sanctuary” away from cancer, until he officially resigned this summer.  

He loved L3 Wescam….He loved everyone there. 

He was so proud to be a supervisor, loved solving problems even though he seemed permanently attached to his cellphone sometimes, doing what he loved and being a mentor to many.  I think the day he resigned and cleaned off his desk was one of the saddest days of his life.

I mentioned that Lawrence shared the workload at home, but that is not to say that he did not also excel at the traditional husband tasks. 

He thought he inherited his grandfather’s plumber gene and renovated a kitchen and bathroom in our first house (even while working in Scotland for a good part of the time) and a bathroom in this house. 

 Lawrence’s Bravery

But one of the most memorable and tell-tale attributes of Lawrence was his lack of fear of hard work.  When our sewer pipe was strangled by tree roots and broke at our older home, just down the street actually, Lawrence took to digging a 6 foot trench by hand on his own in our clay soil to repair it.  I’d go outside, and I couldn’t see his balding little head, and these piles of dirt tossed up from time to time along the side.  Some neighbours even came by to see it for themselves. 

He was not afraid to get his hands dirty…even during his illness.  He did not shy away from the most difficult treatments.   Over the past 6 years, Lawrence had 70 – 80 rounds of chemo, 5 operations, dozens of biological drug treatments, three radiation surgeries.  The word “fear” was not in his vocabulary. 

Just like on the ski slopes, on boardsailing on the waves of Lake Huron, Lawrence went for it.  When they had to determine what the dose was for his treatments, Lawrence always asked for the maximum. Even when he knew of the side effects some of which were horrid, like those hiccups which did not allow him any rest.  He did everything in his power to live as long as he could and to live as normally as possible. 

I was always very annoyed with folks with gave me that “look” when hearing of Lawrence’s illness; little did they know what a fighter we had in our midst.  Lawrence defied the odds. 

I want an oncologist to say to a patient one day, with a similar diagnosis – “The prognosis is such-and-such….but…you never know, we had this one guy,  Lawrence Sinclair, who defied the odds and lived 4 x longer than we expected.  If he can do it…you could too.”  That’s what Lawrence would have wanted.

If I haven’t already said it in my examples…Lawrence was a great husband and father. 

I loved him and will really miss him. 

Even putting today’s and this afternoon’s agenda together…I miss his advice.  I miss his decisiveness. 

I’m emotional – he’s rationale. 

I’m impulsive – he’s measured. 

I’m Italian – he’s not. 

We made a very good team. 

I will miss finishing to raise our fine children without him.  I know a lot of the hard part is done, but some of the most complicated and critical work is still to come.  I will definitely be saying to myself…what would our Lawrence do?

Rest assured everyone…we will be fine…but we will not be the same. 

In the end, Lawrence did not fear death.  He connected with his spiritual side and was at peace.  He used mediation to help remove some stress in his life, and this really helped him and all of us prioritize.  The only thing he feared was not seeing his children at their important milestones. Actually, it was more sadness than fear, but disappointment just the same.

Scholarship Fund   

On the Monday nite before Lawrence died, we were returning from the hospital with Giuliana, and we decided that we wanted to do something special for Lawrence…to keep his memory alive….something befitting the type of person Lawrence was. 

We came up with the idea of the Scholarship fund.  Thanks to Bruce Latimer of Wescam for putting the logistics together.  

The idea is that based upon criteria indicative of what Lawrence personified — like a strong work ethic — students would be selected to receive a scholarship in the communities that were important to Lawrence – Toronto, Southampton and Burlington. 

This is not about being a top student necessarily, but in demonstrating those qualities that personified Lawrence.

We are so excited about this…I really hope each and every one of you will give this charity serious consideration…now and perhaps as Christmas gifts this year.  If the website is confusing, please call the number and they will walk you through the process.  Everything you need to know about it is on the program you were handed out today.   

Final Thoughts

I want to leave you with one last thought. 

We learned so much from Lawrence during his battle – about bravery, heroism and working for what was important. 

In 51 short years, Lawrence taught a century worth of lessons for me and his children, and for everyone he came in contact with. 

My favorite quote that is in your program and epitomizes Lawrence is:

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love, 1963

 

To me, Giuliana and Patrick, Lawrence stood front and centre, and 100 feet tall.

 

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